Best Friend - Jason Chen (Official Music Video)

I wish every situation like this ends happily. whew!

Dear you.

dear you,

I would and I should

tell everything to you in details

but I could not.

to explain in a single word

pain

yes it is.

It hurts me more that you're still clueless

i have gone so far

and I just woke up realizing

that i've had enough

everything was too much

that i can't even handle it

waiting for me to break down

is a torture

Every part of me ceases

knowing every inch of you

It's like a suicide attempt

that i can't continue

just to be there for you

but i needed myself more than you do.

or should i say

you never needed me

nor wanted me

what else am i gonna do?

all i do is to pretend

that im the happiest creature on earth

and it kills me

every single day.

enough said.

last words would be,

i don't want to ruin what we have.

If i really can spare it. I will.

let me pause for a while

but i know it will take you

away from my sight

from my world

from my life

and knowing that things

will not be remained as it is

in the future

Confession Confusion

If she have to confess

Tell everything in details

He’ll realize

that he needs her

but doesn’t mean

he’ll instantly want her

even she waited for so long

if that happened

losing each other is much

worse than anyone could ever imagine

yes. Better be strangers

than to transform from

Awesome tandem to awkward two

and If she don’t

get back to normal

With burden

And remorse

Concealed by a facial curve

Turned upside down

Regrets in her eyes

That she deserves more

And cry it all behind

If that happened

Yes. Better be friends

And suffer from all aches

at least they will still have each other

as friends.

but she deserves even better

I hope she’ll soon wake up clever

ONE-SIDED

The feeling of you’ve had enough

Still not good enough

I gotta hit some laugh

Coz Im dumb

Make me numb

The feeling of

Breaking my nerves

Is way better

Like a gazillion folds

Than to simply confess

That I never left

Coz if I do

I would die

in silence of return

when I can

seal my lips

unopen my eyes

hide all in a bottle

and offer your happiness

not mine.

selfish/selfless

i don't need to google what it means

or try to consult merriam webster its synonym

I can't explain it anyway

nor find the right words to say

i'm hurt

the right actions to signal

that im hurt

to make you see

that im hurt

that every part of me is slowly dying

because im hurt

but i dont want you to feel the same way

it will hurt me a lot more

i'll just walk away

never look back

mask this face

and show

no hurt

pea-head

it shivers me

slow into destruction of my being

that i did

see you

focused and magnified

you know

I didn't hide

I think you did see me

too

making believe I'm right.

plethora for naught

sweetest mistake

i have ever committed

alteration in time management

wasted all

for someone

im no woman of steel

i still have these five senses

that reminds me

every moment

that it's not easy

to exert

100% of attempts

to secrete

75% of lacrimation

to exhaust

50% of everything

to wait

for a 1% potentiality

to hold on

for a 0% real

reverse psychology

given me no call

sent me no message

no daily updates

that's good

you are doing well

you give me no distraction

and no reason

to ask for more

dream for impossible

you present reality

to me

excellently

do it more better

i'll push you away

but you're already too far

needless

enough to stay at a distance

see me whole

like a dot

fictionized reality

transforms back

into its purity

you're too far

that's enough

i can't reach you

i'll walk farther

eyes straight on the opposite side

prevent you to be magnified

seal your lips

don't look for me

don't whisper my name

don't chase me

don't follow my path

don't give me headache

please don't

blog-aches

i feel like

in the underground

you can never find me

unless you dig

i know you

nevermore you try to dare

even look down for a bit

and that aches

my toes

my knees

my shoulder

my head

seriously.

i wasted my time

hoping

you'll try to find

who's missing

what's missing

i failed.

(a)mazed

I don’t know

It’s confusing

If I care for you

Because I aim

more than of what we have

or just overwhelmed

that someone stayed for me

even as a friend

and I consider it more than that

amazed

that it took me years

and mazed

it brought me tears

with you so near

and realized

Is it true?

Why Im waiting if it’s not?

Am I just tired?

will I give up everything?

Do I regret?

I dont know.

But one thing is for sure

It’s getting nowhere.

NOWHERE.

superwoman

Sorry.

If I’ve made just this far

Maybe I forgot

That im just an ordinary human

That I can’t do everything

But for you

I did.

Miracle I must say

That I did it all

Three hundred thousand folds

But you’re just an ordinary human

I know you can’t see everything invisible

but for you

I ignored.

Sorry

If I’ve made just this far

I stand corrected

That I did everything

I forgot that I’m labeled as a superwoman

That I never thought to fly away

Nor learned how it was done

Notwithstanding

I stayed for instead

the more; the less

The more you give the more you receive

Fake truth

I’ve given all

All I’ve got

Nothing less

Beyond more

And it made no sense

Never at all

Happiness they say

Is giving

Even if you don’t receive

Any pay back in return

Or in little amounts

In short

A hundred efforts

Divided by

One being

Equates to

An almost infinity

gone too soon

Waited for so long

Yet gone too soon

tears are free flowing

I can’t complain

Hold you

Pull you back

To me

Restrain these arms

I have no right

Nothing left

In mine

Reality comes in twice

You’re not my own

In the first place

So I push you away, far away

Watch your every step

fading

and vanish.

From my sight.

As if you were never in the picture.

Abandoned you in the red room

Gone too soon

Crash me in doom

the-there's-nothing-else-that-i-can-do-cycle

and there's this another girl

not me

and she's lucky

you feed her your attention

nothing left to me

except being a daily diary

but i tell you girl

there's nothing more about you

you got him into you

and there's nothing about me

that he would like

insecurity hormones

released in my system

cos there's nothing else that i can do

but to listen

to wait

until she'll be cleared out

of your mind

and try to evacuate that place

in you

there's no harm in trying

but it gets me a little tired

i tried

uncountable times

it took me 3 years right

nothing happened

like there's nothing happened

it started but not yet ended

i've been deaf mute and pretended

there's nothing else that i can do.

but to wait

and waste

every minute of my existence

it degrades my soul

to see your heart crawl

with that beautiful organism

and there's nothing else that i can do

but to tolerate

when it hits my threshold

dysfunctions my senses

to be unable to reach its peak

coz there's nothing else that i can do

but to wait

until someone occupies him again

and go back to the first line

of this free verse

now you know

what i can do

for him.

coz there's nothing else that i can do

but to exist.

the last full show

It’s funny

How things

Change a lot

We’re unknown

Until we shared

The same path

You joked

I laughed

I joked

You laughed

And it all started there

Years elapsed

Leveled up

I shed a tear

You joked

I laughed all my tears out

You held your tears

I joked

You laughed the frozen pain away

And it all happened most of the time

I was weak

How can this be too far?

Too far for me to handle

That I was craving for more

Then I started a talk

Said t’was about you and me

I was about to tell it all

That I fall…

…

…

I paused; not yet done

Hey wait it’s not joke

I didn’t intend to joke

Still you laughed

And it all ended at the same time.

installment

Day to day

I partially pay

My time

My effort

My will

To see you

Talk to you

Make you feel

Someone’s right behind you

Even if you’re so far away

You can’t even try to look right back at you

I was there

Putting pathways

That if you could ever lose your way

You can always go back

And you’ll find me

You’re always on my sight

This telescope, I use mine

How about you? Nevermind.

You see me

If there’s nowhere to run

I see you

As if no one’s around

I spend three years

Of installment

Of investments

As if you were a house

I partially pay

My all

Such so in time

You’ll see that it made you whole

I made you whole

For somehow

But still I can’t hope

That everything will pay off

As for now

Nothing sets the atmosphere

happy ending

I close my eyes

To ignore things

What reality tries

to emphasize

Im being blind

Im being dumb

Not yet numb

I feel everything

Striking my spine

Paralyzing my feelings

Hide.

Hide more.

Lie

Lie harder

To keep him

Longer

Until it’s enough

When every part of me

Deteriorates

Gives up

Until I feel nothing

At least I kept you

A little longer

Held on a little tighter

Even it took me

To my end.

joker's cry

I joke too much

That I impossibly

Be believed

Words I utter

Will burst you to laughter

No time for serious matters

But when it does

Everyone’s in doubt

Real hesitant

they don’t know when

when to believe

maybe I joke too much

no one takes me seriously

my bad, I see

everything was comedy

so called the laughing item, unfortunately.

5 sec

I was alone

Thinking o’ you

Hoping a call from you

Didn’t happen

Fail again

I was buying a ticket

Someone covered my eyes

And it was boooooom

Fireworks in the sky

I never expected

It would be you

I was floating

For 5 seconds

I didn’t know how to keep

The conversation on going

Totally Speechless

And you’re mouth is full

So I glanced at you instead

Questioning myself

Why is it you?

Why it had to be you?

What did I find in you?

The answer portion

Oh It took me a minute or two

Yet up to know

Left troubled and puzzled

I can’t find the words

To convince myself

Leave it as a mystery

Live it in ecstasy

mispelled

Good night

these pillows

suffocating my larynx

positioned upright

activated neurons

up for nerve impulses

your name

transmitted to every axon

and dendrites

how can I feel

parasympathetic response

when eyes are dilated

sweating

palpitating

during picturing out

thoughts of you

luckily I know who can help

alas!

Everything was in slow motion

Magnets my body to the bed

Im into closing my built in binoculars

rest well yet never shut down

dearest central nervous system

I show you my gratitude.

of having you

when I needed you, Mr. Dy.

Mr. Dy-phenhydramine.

The closer I get to you

A song

Fits the whole story

Of my friend

Who has a friend

And they’re just friends

Definition of reality

Nothing has a happy ending

Started of what they are

No less

Yet No more than that

Left in Stagnancy

I just wonder how they feel

Of having each other

But can never be together

Why on earth didn’t make you strangers?

So she’s not hurting

Herself

Torturing her mind

For ignoring her presence

Or I must be over thinking

False hopes

Assumptions in fantasy

Why am I too affected?

As If I was the third person.

Yes I really am.

Span of a week

The sound of your laugh

Good morning messages

Sarcastic replies

Joker personality

Non sense discussion

Magically turns into

Meaningful conversations

Good times

Smile on my face

Sweet sleep every night

No, it’s not actually the same

Right at this moment

Tolerable indeed

I yearn

I long

Just this much.

It sucks

you’re still clueless.

sin

Is it you?

Is it me?

Who’s the culprit?

What kind of trap is this?

Let me go.

Rather let you go.

Guess you’re happy with it.

Without me, yours truly

And so am I

While holding back

The artificial drizzles

Natural kind of catastrophe

Aches of somewhere in the core

You’re the prospect

I’m the suspect

But I was the one

Who’s wrecked

End this piece of crap

Just stab me on the neck

Tanduay eyes

Deceiving

Liquid substance

Addictive sweetness

Can’t get enough

Excitability takes the place

Hyperactivity gets the crown

Subsequently

Depression wins the throne

Palpitates a structure inside

Constricts the airways

Circulation slows down

Level of consciousness all down low

Compressed esophagus

Mistaken emergency case

Sort of erratic juices

Came out in gross

Come on let’s have another toast!

Sanitation management featuring the mechanical vectors

Dimmed lights

Untidy friends gathered

In every corner

ALL AROUND

Squeeek right here and over there

Flying tiny creatures

Can be a silent walker

With antennae in pairs

Members of Uninvited visitors

Oh oh when they come

Shout my heart out

Eyes ignored

Mouth closed

Tongue tied

Wheew! Survived for today’s calvary

See, Talented enough

Save the tranquility.

Of the early dawn

Gastric juices boil at its peak

I care not. Care NOT

Biscuits to the rescue

Or typhoid fever to serve you

what if i did nothing?

rivals.

all gone.

I took them all away

I have no chance

Senseless

Pointless

Full of effort

I just got less

Given my best

Not even fair

Not even good enough

Greatest rivalry

my being

can’t take me away

Unless confide

Tis’ buried truth

only for tonight

Thereafter

Silent a cry

sense it not

you didn’t know.

You didn’t even know.

Or you didn’t try to care

The feeling of not good enough,

killing me worst

Dying

Gasping a little breath

No, it is even more

It is something

You never experienced

Coz you were happy.

I guess

You should know it by now.

No. you shouldn’t

Yes, you should.

It’s confusing.

Hide or let it slide.

I don’t even know.

What to do

What to tell

What to expect

That you might do.

Or worst

You might do nothing

it’s the most painful

rejection, you will slap on my face

anyone will withdraw from it

But I hold it in

Real hard.

Without you noticing it

For even once.

numb, yes you are

sob, i did

the first

new blog.

phrases, fragments, verses.

random situations.

haphazard in the mosts

conceal everything

in these little lines

of what i should have said

what i should have done

what i should have tried

read my soul

between these broken fragments

instead of leaving it all

blank